


Things Unsaid

by theoracleatlasvegas



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II
Genre: M/M, trans!carver
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-05
Updated: 2017-02-05
Packaged: 2018-09-22 02:40:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9578846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theoracleatlasvegas/pseuds/theoracleatlasvegas
Summary: Carver comes out to Anders. Or rather, he tries not to.





	

Anders steals a kiss from him one night, and his throat goes dry. From the surprise, from being flustered, from the butterflies in his chest.

Also, from guilt. _You filthy fucking liar_

*

This is how he deals with his problems:

1\.   
As Anders tells Garrett some bullshit excuse for dropping by, about needing help at the clinic, he keeps sneaking nervous glances at Carver in the far corner of the room. Carver turns his head away. 

(Maker, the way his lips curve down - it's heartbreaking. Still, he doesn't look back at him until he's gone.)

2\.   
He refuses to go to the clinic. He has Garrett heal him instead - every scrape, every deep cut, just like when they were little. Garrett thinks he and Anders are just at odds again.

3.  
He only goes to The Hanged Man at odd, late hours, or very early morning, when he knows Anders is swamped with sick and injuried bodies to heal. He likes that, the healing - how Anders' calloused hands go in and work their magic, never quite touching the skin, celestial light wrapped around his long fingers, and they come out red and blistered.

(He kissed them, on the night Anders kissed him. He should've known, he was getting too close).

He sits at the very back, bowing his tall shoulders so he won't be seen.

'He knows you're hiding from him, you know?' Varric says.

4.  
Something he should have considered: Anders is a persistent idiot. He comes knocking at his door, day after day. Carver never comes out. 

After a while, he gets tired, so he leaves a bunch of flowers on the doorstep. (Thankfully, no one seems to know where they came from. Though his mother won't stop gushing about Carver having a _secret admirer_ ).

5.  
Anders sends him little trinkets with Garrett whenever they're out together. He takes them, beet red at Garrett's confused expression, and hides them under his bed. So far, there's: a dragonling's tooth, a little bottle of purple ink, a mabari totem, a coral fragment and a necklace with a gold Orzammar coin.

He hates that he loves every single one of them.

6.

'You'll have to stop avoiding him eventually, puppy' Isabela tells him. 'Trust me, when men want, really _want_ something, nothing can stand in their way.'

'I'm a man, too,' he snaps.

'Exactly,' Isabela says, with a wink. 

7\. 

He hasn't really stopped thinking about Anders' lips, Anders' hands, Anders' stubble against his cheek.

8.  
As soon as he considers it, it's out of the question. Anders can't ever know - he won't get it, he'll think he's a freak, or worse, _a girl_. He won't get it. He'll pull away, he'll stop wanting him, won't ever want him again. And he'll still be there when it happens, there for Garrett, but never for Carver anymore. And everything that led up to here - Anders guiding his hands to stitch and cut whatever he can't fix with magic alone, the sleepless nights of laughter and ale that Anders couldn't get drunk on, most of all, that kiss - it'll all be a waste. 

He won't get it. (He thinks Beth's the only one who ever really got it. Garrett tries. His mother pretends she does. He never got to tell his father.)

9.  
Anders--

Anders buys him a sword. A good sword. Maker knows with what money, considering his living conditions and the fact that he doesn't get paid a copper for his trouble, but the fucker went and bought him a goddamn sword. Carver had complained about his, taken from a corpse he can barely remember, not sharp enough and way too heavy.

He's fuming when he reaches Anders' door. A particularly violent knock, knock.

Anders opens the door slightly.

'What the fuck is this?' He demands.

'Uh. It looks like a sword.'

'I'm not fucking around. I want you to take it back,' he says.

That gets him to open the door fully. He rubs the bridge of his nose, and sighs.

'I thought-- It wasn't just me, was it?'

'What?' Carver asks, taken aback.

'I wasn't imagining things, was I? About... us?' And fuck, alright, the look he's giving him now is the definition of heartbreak.

'Anders I--'

'No, I get it. It's-- I'm sorry, I shouldn't have--'

'It's not--'

'I just thought that we could--'

'Anders.' He says, softly for once. 'Shut up.'

He takes a deep breath and a short step forward. His legs are going to give in at any second, he feels like his heart is swelling in his chest. Anders looks at him expectantly. He sighs, and makes up his mind.

The kiss is sweet, so sweet he ends up coming in.

He sleeps on Anders' bed, and leaves as soon as morning comes.

 

10.  
'You shouldn't hide it from him.' Garrett says to him one day, as he heals him.

He frowns, somewhat nervous but not ready to show it. 'Hide what from who?'

Garrett rolls his eyes. 'You know that I know. About you and Anders.'

'I don't know what you mean.'

He sighs. 'You shouldn't keep hiding it. Or at least, you don't _have_ to hide it. This is _Anders_. Trust me, he'll understand.' He rubs his hand against his face. 'Better than I have, probably.'

Carver looks at him, blank, though he feels a strange pressure in his chest.

'Look I'm-- I know we don't get along most of the time, but I'm sorry about that. About everything.' His eyes are focused on the slash on Carver's arm, his hands still hovering on Carver's skin, but his eyes go a little glassy and Carver doesn't know what the fuck he's supposed to do with that. He's silent for a moment, pretending to be lost in his work.

Finally, he wipes a hand over his eyes, and says 'I think you should tell him.'

*

The first thing he does when he gets to Anders is kiss him fierce, in case it's the last time.

'Hello to you, too' Anders says, laughing. Carver laughs nervously.

Anders opens the door fully and steps away to let Carver in.

'I need to talk to you about something.'

His stomach is in knots and he feels like his heart is trying to crawl out of his throat. Anders looks at him expectantly. He sits on the bed and pats the spot next to him. Here goes.

*  
Anders listens patiently to Carver's long and overdrawn explanation, from when he first cut his hair with a kitchen knife (his mother was livid. His father just laughed. Carver likes to think he knew) to this very moment. It takes a lot of rambling and nervous coughs and stuttering in between, but he gets through it. He feels somewhat relieved, but then the guilt is back, and the fear, and there's his heart on his sleeve. He hopes Anders knows what to do with it.

Anders says, "Okay," with a little smile on his face.

"Okay?" he says, a little angry.

"Yes, I-- Why didn't you tell me?"

He just looks down at his shoes.

"Karl was too, you know?"

That gets him to lift his head. Those words he never expected to hear, someone else like him. And Anders could love him, which means Anders could love Carver (And, ugh. He can't believe he's using the L word). He breathes out, and they stay silent for a minute or two, staring at each other. They both burst out laughing. Carver won't admit it, but a couple of tears spill.

"Get over here," Anders says, trying to pull him by the waist. Carver is stronger and bigger though, which makes it a little difficult, but he lets himself be tugged into Anders' arms for a kiss.


End file.
